Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
