She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
