I'm really into asian looking animals
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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