When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
