Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
