I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
