he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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