I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
