Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
