I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
