You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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