you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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