What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
