dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
