let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize