He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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