dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
