I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
