i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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