hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He better not be in your backpack
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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