Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
