Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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