I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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