So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
