Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
