My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
