dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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