I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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