Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
