Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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