my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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