So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
