Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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