Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
