Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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