Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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