So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
