Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Damn victory sex feels great
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
