I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
