I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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