like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
