My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
