wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
