i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
