I'm really into asian looking animals
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
