This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
