will power is for people who don't want to get laid
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
