I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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