Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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