I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
