Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
