it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
