I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
