my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
