I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm passing your future prison.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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