i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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