he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
