there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
