booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
