Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
