there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
