The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
...so i touched it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
