I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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